


Kismesis (Modern!Asra Alnazar x Reader)

by Zodiero



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), M/M, Magic, Memory Loss, Other, Slow Burn, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zodiero/pseuds/Zodiero
Summary: Without them, he would have been an empty carcass of his mistakes. Years of empty promises, broken hearts, and lives pile within his sleeve.And yet, when he's with them, his life being held by a thread, he seems to forget his sins under their boot."Please hate me!" He sobbed, "If you can't love me, then hate me."
Relationships: Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Apprentice/Nadia (The Arcana), Asra (The Arcana)/Reader, Asra/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Reader, Lucio (The Arcana)/Reader, Muriel (The Arcana)/Reader, Nadia (The Arcana)/Reader, Portia Devorak/Nadia, Portia Devorak/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**TW** **: death, grief.**

Their throat had blazed as the air had chilled. No amount of breathing will allow them to regain the air they desperately needed. Their esophagus, their chest, and their legs screaming for rest, begging, just for a second, for their host to be idle. MC's cheeks were puffed and blossoming with reddened asphyxiation. Their arms swinging rapidly by their sides, as if to give them more momentum. They were exhausted, and they could not breathe.

However, they couldn't pause either. Not when they felt his taint licking at their heels. It burned them, his _presence_. As if he doused them in gasoline, and lit a match below their feet. The darkness that flooded their airless lungs could only come from him, the boy that latched onto them as he slowly sank to hell.

They never understood as to why he had grown so attached to them. They merely thought of him as a leech - an unimportant, worthless leech. MC didn't even know his name, and they didn't care to.

'Things shouldn't have names.' They thought. Things that stole their life from them.

And yet, he craved to know something - anything - about them. Their favorite color, perhaps what kind of food they like to eat, or where that scar above their lip had come from. Though, he would assume it came from his own ungodly fingertips, which would strain his heart at the thought. However, more than anything, he wished to know their name, and to see their face.

'Saviors should have names.' He believed. Saviors that looked down upon him.

"You have raked me...of everything I had, just so my world...can revolve around you!" They ventured, as if to stir conversation. "When will you... understand... I want absolutely nothing to do with you...and this life anymore?"

A small laugh had bellowed behind them, echoing against the city streets. Oh, how they despised his laugh. It reverberated in their ears and up their spine, causing them to shiver. Though perhaps it was the sharp, brisk air that preened against their body despite wearing a cloak. However, who's to say it wasn't both?

"But this has nothing to do with me, my heart. This has everything to do with you." He exclaimed, attempting to finally get caught up with them. "I do this all for you."

MC couldn't help but roll their eyes. In times like this, of course, he can't help and try and make them gag. The sentiment within the statement seemed warm and adoring, but knowing it came from his mouth, it had lost all it's charm.

'Spare me.' They whispered.

They trudged on, scanning the area for the destination where they had mapped out their lethal plan. Their legs wobbled and seethed. Though, like any body, it needs oxygen in order to function.

A sharp intake of the subzero air had brought them to their knees, making them sputter a cacophony of dry coughs. It stung, bringing tears to their eyes. They doubled over, banging a fist on their chest as an attempt to cease the coughs. Though, ever moment they tried to regroup, they could feel him inch closer.

But there was no way they were going to recover that quickly, and he knew that.

Through many huffs and puffs, they managed to turn their head to take a gander behind them. To no one's surprise, there he stood, bouncing on his toes. His vicious energy pooling at his feet and around MC.

He was narrow in stature, a rather petite man from who at a first glance, seems rather nonintimidating. If your arm was long enough, you could probably snake it fully around his waist and give it a good squeeze. His features were plush and welcoming, and his curls bounced in all different directions. He looked like a friend.

"Do you need some help?" He purred, outstretching his hand.

MC simply seethed, scoffing at his bittersweet inquiry. "Bite me."

"God's no, I wouldn't dare to hurt a single inch of your skin." He sounded aghast. "Though, you should take the help. You look like you need it."

After several moments of shrill silence, the winds had piped down and the air returned to it's usual warm, crisp temperature. MC could feel him kneel next to their heaving body, providing a warmth they would have usually rejected given the circumstances.

After a while, they finally caught their breath. MC could feel the eyes of the city's onlookers, too scared to intervene as they knew the boy who rested beside them would instantly take their life. They hadn't noticed the people who were watching until they've become astutely aware of where they were.

The people quaked, for this is the first time MC was truly brought to their knees by the boy. Though, they were to make sure it would be the last time.

"I only want your abilities to improve. You've come so far! I finally have somebody who is at my caliber..." He said lowly, bringing his head to theirs, "Look, I even made it warmer for you, my heart."

He cascaded his arm around them, and pulled MC closer as if to soothe their trembling body. They allowed it, as it would only benefit them for the time being.

'Now's the time.' They thought.

In a hasty, but rugged move, they clasped their hand around his neck, and slammed the sly boy to the ground. He looked up at them, his eyes widened with shock. He tried to scan their shrouded face, as to gain a hint at what they were possibly thinking. If you stared at him long enough, a twinkle of captivation lulled within his lavender eyes.

"As I expected," He choked, grasping onto their steady arm, "you overcame me once again."

They couldn't help but squeeze his throat even tighter, causing him to slightly struggle for air. Seeing him writhe beneath then made MC feel repulsive, as if they ensnared a snake between their fingers.

As they stood quiet, the boy started to grow worried. As his breath started to vanish, he began to realize that he has finally reached his early end. They could end it right here. End their struggle, end the pain they were consistently put through.

And so they did.

"You're going to...k-kill me now, right?" He tried. "It's about time you've finally grown sick of me."

A small chuckle escaped MC. "I've told you already. I don't want this life anymore." They explained.

"Everyday, I have to see your face. It fills me to the brim with despair. You got what you wanted," A tear had fallen onto the boy's cheek, "I hate you."

He smiled. He brought his hand up to their chest, and rested it there. "Oh, my heart." He cooed. "Do you think we'll meet each other again?"

They smiled.

"No."

They held the boy's hand to their chest, making sure he had no leverage to get up and move. He was surprised at the sudden return of affection he had spent so long to give. Though, he could feel a pit fall in his stomach.

The area around him had grown colder as MC's grip on his arm grew tighter. The wind began to swiftly swirl and wrap around the two. Their cloak had started to sway in a loose and haphazardly motion as the energy around them had grown more potent. The ground below them had dispersed in luminescent tendrils and cracks, highlighting and accentuating their now foreboding figure.

The boy could feel the violent and formidable power suddenly surging through MC, in which he watched in awe. He could feel himself shivering at the magick, as if he had been given a shot of morphine. It traversed from the ground, to MC, and to him like a circuit.

This wasn't right.

He grew frightened at the hidden agenda at play, knitting his brows in confusion. "What are you doing!?"

There was no response but of a tightened grip on his arm, which caused him to groan.

A powerful surge of magick had pervaded the boy's body, instantly becoming too much to handle. He felt as if he made a sudden move, he would collapse in on himself.

"Stop it!" He spat. "You're trying to transfer your magick aren't you?! You'll die!"

"I know." Was all they could manage.

The boy began to struggling beneath them, trying to pry off their hands in a hasty attempt of saving their life. He thrashed and pleaded for them to stop. However, his pleas fell on deaf ears.

"I...I hate y-you." They strained. "Why did you do this to me?"

He shook his head. "No, shut up!"

"You ruined... my life." They were trying to gasp for air. "Why did you do this?!"

The boy felt something rising from within him, something chaotic and lethal. A dangerous surge of his own magick mixed with MC's. He was screaming out of emotionally agony, thrashing around will tears spilling from his eyes. "Stop it. Stop! I can't take it anymore!" He shrieked. "STOP! PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

And it did stop. But it was followed by a sharp intake, and coughing filled with bloodied gurgles.

The boy felt in control of his body again, the tightened grip around his arm slowly unraveling itself. He looked down at his hand that rested on their chest. Though the sight was that of a bloody murder.

An icicle had pierced MC through their chest where their heart rested, fresh crimson leaking from their torn fabric. Their chest slowly began to cease rising, and their body becoming limp.

"N-no..." He blinked, trying to clear his mind of this heinous vision. "Please- You're okay, alright?"

He sat up, allowing for MC's body to fall into him. Several gasps and cries came from around the boy, recognizing the horrid crime before them. People had scattered indoors, and picked a god to pray to.

He shook their body, hoping for a response. Something - anything. But none came. Not even one more 'I hate you.'

"H-Hey!" His voice cracked. "What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

He cradled their dying body in his arms, wailing, begging for the God's to bring them back. He knew they wouldn't listen, and magick couldn't help him now either. He rocked back and forth, sobbing.

And, at that moment, he understood. He finally felt what it was like to experience the true despair as his love once did. And he wanted to succumb to his fate more quickly than he did before.

He yelped as their body crumbled underneath his fingertips, rapidly dissolving into ash that would be taken with the shrill wind that once brought them to their knees.

He wouldn't even be granted the right to hold their body as he grieved.


	2. the subway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of assault.

_"Do you think it worked?"_

_"It had to. I'm not sensing their energy at all."_

_The two stared at the body resting on the bed. It had yet to jolt, twitch, or show any sign of life. They felt like as if they had a cadaver on their hands, and the spell had failed._

_They turned their heads to gaze upon each other's worried faces._

_"What if they stay dead?!" One of them cried. "What the hell are we supposed to tell the cops? That our friend was tired of their life so they -"_

_"Calm down! Goodness. MC wouldn't have asked us to help if they didn't trust us. So," She paused to glance over the still body, "we have to trust them too."_

_"Yeah, well, we could have just killed our friend so excuse me for having a breakdown." He scoffed._

_A soft ruffle of bedsheets had caused the duo to stop their bickering, jumping at the sound. They turned their heads to see the sitting figure rubbing the sleep out of their eyes._

_They let out a soft yawn, "What are you two on about? Why are you even in my house?"_

_They couldn't help but gape at their friend. Their friend who was alive, and terribly sleepy._

_It took a few moment before one of them spoke up, "So...d-do you remember...?"_

_MC had simply knitted their brows in confusion, the whole situation seeming off the walls. It took them a moment to form a sentence again. "Remember what? You two breaking into my home? Not at all."_

_The two had let out a sigh of relief, even cheering slightly. "Thank the Gods," they muttered._

_"In fact," MC piped, "_ _I-I can't seem to remember much of anything."_

_-_

As the weather got colder, their clothing got heavier. It was the third week of fall and all the leaves had taken up on getting a makeover. MC couldn't lie, it was one of their favorite times of the year.

The air wasn't too bitter. It was comfortable and almost nostalgic. One thing could remember from their teen years was enjoying the electricity that had sparked around this time, with Halloween around the corner and an endless amount of horror movies that were never not playing.

They reminisced about their October escapades with their friends, hoping to maybe, just maybe, go trick-or-treating again. Despite the fact they were going to school, they wanted to make up on the lost years of not walking around a neighborhood and getting cavities in a bag. When MC was younger, they believed that trick-or-treating was for kids. How naive.

"Oh shit," They looked at their phone. Of course, they had adult duties to take care of, and the time didn't seem to relent in reminding them. "I gotta hurry up."

They scurried down the city blocks to make it to the subway in time. 'Those trains will leave you in the dust with no mercy.' They thought, their pace quickening.

Surprisingly, the subway wasn't jam-packed as it usually was, but was still littered with people. Though, it wasn't time to complain but to count their blessings.

As they entered the cart, a cold chill had warped around their spine. They shivered, but simply brushed it off as the cool, autumn air. However, they casted a dubious glance over their shoulder, just in case.

'Maybe wear a scarf next time.' They nagged to themself, grabbing onto the steel bar. '...Dumbass.'

As they squabbled with the voice in their head, they felt a chilled touch on their hand. They quickly diverted their gaze to the new sensation, only to be greeted with a boy who was staring at the hand beneath his.

He darted his eyes to MC's, who looked as shocked as he did. For a moment he studied their face before ripping his hand off of theirs, slightly shaking his hand as if to get rid of their touch. He reddened under their calmed scrutiny.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I w-wasn't paying attention. I didn't mean to-," He spewed apologies, left and right, leaving almost MC speechless.

"Yeah, you should be," They feigned, laughing slightly at the ordeal. "You could have dirtied my hands." They brought their fingers up to their face, twisting their wrist in examination.

This only made the boy feel worse, more apologies spilling from the young lad.

They sneered at the boy through the corner of their eyes before dropping the snooty façade, chuckling at his meek stature. "I'm just kidding, I'm literally taking the subway. It's dirty everywhere."

He shut his mouth for a second to read their face once again. He opened it to say something, but couldn't find the words to say, before finally laughing to himself rather awkwardly. "Oh! Ha. Yeah, I knew that. I suppose you left me just a bit...uh, frazzled, I guess."

A few soft laughs escaped MC before a slight worry contorted their features. They brought their hand up to their lips as to cover their unreciprocated chuckles. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that."

His lips quirked at their terseness, not quite sure if he should laugh as well or be relieved. He caught himself staring at them as he decided. 

However, a new stream of consciousness hit him. Something about them rang familiar in his head but he couldn't put a finger on it, like an itch that you could feel but couldn't scratch.

"Do you know someone by the name of Julian?" He rubbed his chin.

They looked up to the roof of the cart, racking their brain. "Hm. Can't say that I do." They looked back him, "But I remember my friend mentioning a Julian sometimes."

'Could he possibly...' He shook his head. No, it can't be, too big of a world. "Sorry for asking," He waved it off, "Stupid question."

"No, now we're even. I made you uncomfortable and I answered your question." They shrugged.

There was the feeling again, itching at the back of his head once more. "I just, I could have sworn I've met you before." He squinted his eyes at them. "And now it's bothering me. Sorry for being so blunt."

"Maybe you have met me before. I mean, maybe I just don't remember. Granted, I don't remember much from three years ago." They tapped their temple slowly, "I have amnesia."

He stood quiet, processing this information. This only made his situation much more confusing. "Amnesia? What happened?"

"I dunno. I don't remember. My friends say I got mugged and my attacker gave me a concussion," They recollected, "I was taken to the hospital and all that, and I only remember waking up in my house with my friends."

"Woah... Are you okay?" His placed his hand on the steel bar, above MC's, his grip tightening as he listened.

"I mean, yeah, but, I don't remember much of my life leading up to that point. Everytime I try to think of something from my childhood, I get a horrid migraine. But, I can still remember certain things, especially from my teenage years." They stated, as if looking at the bright side of the situation.

"And," He hesitated, "You just believe what your friends told you?"

MC laughed a tad, before pondering on top of the question. Their eyes dropped to ground before meeting his gaze with a slightly pained expression. "I mean, what else am I supposed believe?"

He felt bad for making them cast their mind back to a probably, extremely difficult time. But something about the way they described it made it seem like MC was unsure themself.

"Um, if it puts your mind at ease a bit, my name is MC."

"Asra." He replied, still going over the fact that MC had amnesia.

"Asra, Asra, Asra..." They repeated, trying to match that face with this name. "Oh!"

Asra perked up.

"No, I'm kidding again. I don't know of any Asra's," They paused, "Well, except you."

"Are you always like that?" He blurted, somewhat entertained by their banter.

"Yes, it's quite the curse." They nodded. "And also, this is my stop."

Asra had felt a pit drop to his stomach. He had completely forgotten he was on the train, and that he was supposed to be listening for his stop. He had become too enthralled in the conversation he was having to even be conscious of his surroundings. A sense of panic rushed through him, becoming frantic.

However, he'd become distracted once again as he saw a waving MC exit the train, yelling something in between the lines of "I'll let you know if I meet a Julian!" and "Hopefully we meet again, if I even remember you!"  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. 3. does your sister know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asra confesses to an old friend about his troubles, good thing his friend knows people who knows people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: casual drinking, casual mention of sex, cursing.

Perhaps he's met them before.

Before they had met on the subway. Before whatever happened to MC that caused them to lose their memories. Before he truly lost it.

He enjoyed the small and awkward conversation they had. He found it nerve-wracking and endearing. Otherwise, the thought of them wouldn't be pacing in his head.

Whenever he found himself doing small things like laundry or maybe cooking dinner, he couldn't help but think of them and wonder how they were doing. Their meeting had ended so abruptly, too soon, he thought.

And yet a simple stranger such as MC could cross his mind at least twenty times a day. He hoped that maybe they were experiencing the same dilemma as him. He felt selfish. He was selfish. He didn't mind.

He reeked of being a simple afterthought in someone's life. A mere use of gossip MC could exchange to a friend, a friend that knew them. A friend that could talk to them whenever they wanted.

"Goodness..." He groaned.

"Is something the matter?" A voice quipped. "You're sulking. You don't sulk."

Asra responded in another defeated groan, sprawling his arms across the sleek counter. Of course, his thoughts must consume him in front of company. Too frustrating, but absolutely too real.

"Ah, so it's another one of _those_ days..."

Asra twisted his head to face his friend. He was tall and lanky, his slim legs resting rather awkwardly in the chair yet somehow providing him comfort. He carefully eyed the man before him before speaking up.

"Julian, do you know a MC? I met them on the subway and-" He blurted.

The mans' eyes widened, before his face contorted. A smile had rolled up. "Is that who's gotten you all," He waved his hand in front of Asra as to signal to the mess facing of him, "Um, like this?"

Asra simply huffed before giving the man a tired glare. Oh, to have a jokester jest at him in his time of unease. It wasn't amusing. He was unamused.

Julian read the room again carefully before seeing how serious Asra truly was. He didn't dare to tease Asra unless his wanted his head on a spike, but, to which he wouldn't mind challenging if it were a different time.

He cleared his throat and answered as the name did truly ring familiar to him, "I've heard of a MC, yes."

Asra perked up, straightening up from his slumped position. If Julian were to be lying, it would have been a rather cruel joke at Asra's expense. But I suppose it would be even crueler for Asra to curb stomp him for toying with his emotions. **Just** , but still rather morbid. "You have?"

"Yes, my sister mentions a MC quite a lot. Could be one of her pals." Julian allowed. However, he stopped to ponder. "But, Asra, why don't you just, I don't know, use your unholy magick bestowed upon you by the devil incarnate himself-"

"Hush."

And as quick as that thought started, it was silenced by a mere command. Julian flustered and quickly shut his mouth. He glanced at the ground in a swift motion. Why did that man have so much power over him? He had become fully convinced that Asra was a witch indeed.

"Can you, uh, can you ask Portia to send a picture of them?"

Julian furrowed his brows at the odd request. He wanted to ask a multitude of questions, but a lingering 'Hush,' told him not to. Instead, he tested the waters.

"Sure, only if you shag me." He smirked.

Asra grimaced. He wasn't sure if Julian was being his 'delightfully' cheeky self or if he truly meant it. "Uhm, eat shit." Was all be could managed.

It sufficed, as Julian chuckled. "There he is! Alright, I'll text her. Why don't you wind down a bit, yeah?" He was still laughing, much to Asra's annoyance.

Asra huffed, slinking down in his seat once more. He took a rather long and thoughtful sip of his fruity drink, his mind wandering back to MC. It seemed like no matter what, he'd always find them. In his mind at least. He remembered their anxious jokes that made him nervous, and their small but crooked smile as they traveled beneath the city.

He hasn't felt this way in while.

Not since his love.

His heart.

His failure.

He squeezed his eyes to rid himself of the horrific image that haunted his sleep, sipping on his drink more aggressively. He glanced over at Julian who had a slightly inscrutable look on his face, biting his tongue.

"So?"

Julian stuck a finger at Asra, perhaps telling him to wait. The boy pouted slightly before Julian had looked away from his phone with an accomplished grin.

"She's sending a picture right now. Now you can ease your head."

"Hm." Asra nodded.

"Why 'Hm,'? Did I do something wrong?" Julian's eye widened in slight terror. Oh god, of course he fucked up again, he's the only intelligent idiot he knows. Of course he'd-

"No, I'm just," he shook his head, "Just shocked that she would send the picture. I thought there would be more hesitation considering you're her brother."

Julian shrugged, "I told her it was for you. She's taken a liking to you because she thinks you're funny and good looking. She likes good looking people. Well, she likes everyone, but especially those who are comely. Christ, I'm making it seem like she's shallow-"

Asra zoned out at Julian's ramblings quickly. He had made a mental note for himself, telling him to "Invite Portia to come over and have tea." He could only imagine the gossip the two would share. Goodness, why hasn't he hung out with Portia before?

"-I mean, do you really think that this is the same MC you met on the subway? The world is rather too big for that, Asra. This could be a whole different person."

Asra eyed Julian pointedly, wishing he was back in his mind. "I trust in the God's to help me here. You know what they say, Ilya. Desperate times call for-"

"Yeah, yeah, alright. Save your phrases for someone else. I'm just trying to lower your rather high expectations." He joked. "Oh!"

Asra's eyes darted from Julian's rather surprised expression to the phone in his hand. He rose out of his seat a tad, to perhaps catch a glance prematurely. However, as he stood up, his drink went down.

"Christ, Asra! Calm down."

Asra reddened under the scrutiny of Julian, and a few other patrons who were nearby and heard the miniscule calamity. He recollected that he had been perhaps too on tenterhooks waiting for the picture. He let out a low, "Oh. Sorry. Sorry." before sinking in his seat once more.

Julian simply shook his head, handing Asra the phone with a sigh. He collected napkins to clean up Asra's accidental excitement, pondering on some unspoken thoughts. Why was he so hell bent on this? Julian doubted that this would be the same person, as they are little fish in a rather big pond. The chances of Portia actually knowing them is like 1 in a-

"Oh my gods! It's them!" Asra cheered, "I can't believe it..."

"What?! Are you serious?" Julian snatched his phone. "This is MC?"

Asra nodded happily, gushing at the sight of the picture. How had he been so blessed by Gods at this moment? Maybe they know something he doesn't. Perhaps this is a test. But who cares right? Asra just found his heart- No, I mean, he just found MC! What pure luck! What pure, unbelievable, luck!

Julian shook his head in disbelief, taking a swig of his drink. His face contorted at the taste, but he downed it like a pro. "You're a lucky fellow, Asra. Perhaps too lucky."

Asra hummed, still gazing at the picture. Why couldn't he stop looking at it?

"Well," Julian carefully turned off his phone, seeing a slight frown from Asra, "Are you going to ask for their number?"

Asra stared at him, shocked that he'd even say such a thing, "Are you kidding me? Do I look crazy to you? Of course not, I just met them!"

Julian was dumbfounded. Is he- but he just- what? After all of that and he just- _what?!_ Julian felt he was in the Twilight Zone. He rubbed his temples and called for a waiter.

Yeah, he was going to need another drink.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is not the end.


End file.
